• Han

Clumsy, single and a vegan failure

Date: 03/01/2020

Weight: Jeans are definitely too tight

Calories: how many calories is a bottle of Prosecco and half a bottle of gin?

Dear diary,

Ahhhh January, a time for clean slates and positive change.

I woke up on January first at my friends home. We had a fairly chilled New Years and we were tucked up in bed at 1am - feeling VERY smug about how adult we have become. I got my things together, brushed my teeth and headed downstairs. 

I’m in a chirpy, hangover free mood so I start to sing “Mornnnningg-AHHHHH-OOOOO-OWCH!” I fell down the stairs. I literally fell into 2020. I have never known anyone to be more clumsy. I laugh it off and start to pick up the bin that I knocked over. 

This year I was invited to my friends , which was very much a couples get together, as the only single one (tell a lie - one of my friends bf’s invited his rugby friend in an attempt to set me up, but we won’t talk about that) listening to Jason bang on about how “my man is just around  the corner” and how much of a ‘catch’ I am. 

Flash back to last New Years I was dancing the night away to Ne-Yo in Jakes bar drunarkdly texting a guy that had been chasing me for about three years saying “happy new year - I wanna marry you” - who now happens to be my ex. Marvellous.

I don’t know what it is about New Years but being single at this time makes me feel awkward, exposed and alone. In years gone by I’d have rather been unhappily paired with someone rather than not paired at all. Not this time though, I, Hannah Claire Mac Mahon, have finally realised that I deserve to be truly happy and be with someone who values, respects and appreciates me. 

New Years day was pretty much a write off for me - I ordered dominos and watched Avengers Infinity War and End Game oh and Veganville with the family.

Veganville is essentially a docuseries of four or five Vegans trying to get others to pledge to try the Vegan lifestyle. I am going to go Vegan, this is going to be great at helping ease my migraines, help me be healthy and give me more energy! 

I tootled on down to M&S and spent about £30 on their Vegan range. Buying all of the essentials like, not-zerrella sticks, Mac & cheese bites and Vegan Cheese. I know, I know - not very healthy at all Han, but I was trying to ease my way in to the veganlife and kid myself that I could still eat my most loved food group. Cheese.

I’m cooking my first Vegan meal - not-beef burgers with salad and rosemary potatoes, I was feeling very positive about my new lifestyle. And then, MY PARENTS ARE ONLY HAVING STEAK FOR DINNER - STEAK - ONE OF MY FAVOURITE FOODS ON THE WHOLE PLANET. I don’t want to be dramatic but I was very, very apprehensive about my no-beef burger and green eyed with envy at my parents big juicy steak. Oh I’m salivating just typing about it.


The meal was actually ok, it wasn’t steak, but it was ok. I headed on up to bed, did a little reading and then at about 1am I couldn’t sleep so I started binge watching season 2 of You. Love (a character on You), is a Chef and incredible baker, she was baking her best friends wedding cake and oh my goodness me, I was salivating at the sight of all of these delicious cakes. I got out of bed, and headed straight to the fridge and was looking for something to satisfy my cravings. Glistening in the artificial fridge light, there it was, my saviour - squirty cream. I squirted it straight into my mouth, “oh how I have missed you, sweet, sweet dairy, we will never be apart again”.


I mean what was I thinking, My grandma was the Dairy Queen for goodness sake, I am a descendant of Dairy Royalty! How could I turn my back on it? All that counts is that I tried, and I could perhaps, have a few vegan meals a week but I will forever eat squirty cream straight from the can.

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